Landing (hard) into reality

So there I was, in my special shopping happy place picking cute things off the racks to try on, I picked a variety of sizes, based off the clothes I had in my closet that no longer fit… after my first trip to the dressing room my heart was at my feet and I had a massive headache… turns out in all of my denial about the scale and how I appeared in the mirror.. I had ended up in the plus sized section. The only thing I could hear in my mind was FAT it kept repeating itself over and over in my head FAT FAT FAT!!!!! then numbers jumped in there FAT, 16w, FAT 2xl, FAT 227lbs FAT… I could not fit into anything smaller then a 16w… and had to look for clothes in the “woman’s” section. I was so frustrated… I immediately texted my best buddy Jen (F) and told her the news.. I needed to tell SOMEONE.. and get some sort of comfort over my devastating discovery, of course being the great friend she is, reassured me it would fall off, its ok, all the normal nice things you say to someone to make them feel better… then she promised me she would help me when she was back in town… bam right there.. I couldn’t be upset… I couldn’t be sad… I had to just get over myself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT… I couldn’t make any more excuses, I couldn’t feel guilty about taking time for myself, I couldn’t use the cold or my husband’s constant travels out of town as an excuse.. I just had to do SOMETHING.
I immediately of course went to the shoe section…. Shoes always fit, and if someone is attracted to your hot shoes they might not notice how fat you are.. right?? A seemingly imbecile rationale, but I have a mild shoe addiction so the mere act of shoe shopping was enough to comfort my nerves…
As I left the store with my new fat clothes my mind was continuing to race… what was I going to do I kept saying to myself.. how am I going to do this? After stopping for one last indulgence at jack in the box and letting the kids loose in the living room I came down with a game plan. What were the obstacles I was facing? Time, I work full time so I needed to find a time outside of those 40 hours a week to do it. Guilt, I hated working, felt horrible for leaving my kids especially my newborn alone, and I always felt I needed to maximize the time I wasn’t at work being a mother to them. Energy, I had no energy.. I was exhausted how was I going to find the energy to even workout when I could barley keep my eyes open! Ok… now I have my obstacles, what now?? Then I had a flashback to a conversation I had with an old co worker from Virginia, she had told me she was just realistic with herself, she knew she couldn’t commit to an hour of exercise at a time, but she could do 15-20 so she made a goal to spend 15-20 minutes on her treadmill each evening whether her husband liked it or not.. I realized I needed to adapt a similar attitude… I couldn’t workout 7 days a week.. but I could do 3… and if I could stick to those 3 each week I would be better off then what I was doing now. I mean really was it that hard? We had some equipment in the garage, adjustable block dumbbells, a pull up/ab device even a small weight machine I could do some upper and lower body exercises on… and an elliptical. I also had a wii fit, and countless workout dvd’s. I didn’t want to leave the kids alone in the gym daycare after having them in daycare all day fine, I could make do with what I had at home and work around the kids…I realized I also had a double jogging stroller I had bought on massive clearance on Amazon so I could attempt to get back into running.. I tried to go out for walks with the kids, why not take them out for a run? It’s the same concept… so there I was.. a goal, a plan (sort of) one way or the other I was going to find a way to get fitness back into my life…

fat girl intro....

I woke up one day and realized everyone around me was blogging… wtf is a “blogger”?? I’m from Vermont… we don’t “blog”.. we bog!! Apparently the two things aren’t related…
anyhow I am in the middle of a new adventure, one toward being “fit” once again. I figured why not document it? Maybe someone can learn from it.. maybe they can get some laughs out of my adventures.. who know… besides I see blogs on EVERYTHING, nobody wants to go to the library and read books anymore.. they want to go on a computer and read “blogs”…
I am 27 years old… but don’t tell anybody that in reality I have been 30 for the past 3 years.. I have two wonderful children who have caused quite a ruckus to my figure, well a combination of them, getting “older” and getting lazier.. example..High school weight 120-130 US Army Weight 150-155 Civilian weight 160-165 max pregnancy weight with baby 1~ 225 post baby #1 weight 180 max pregnancy weight with baby number 2 ~245 (woah) post baby weight 227 (ouch)
Hmmm could I live with topping the charts at over 200lbs?? yes I could.. after all I couldn’t’ have a regular exercise routine and juggle school, kids, my husband and my job??!! Could I?? I managed as best I could on maternity leave, I tried to take advantage of the time I was spending with my children while making it to zumba class once or twice a week and group power (weight training) class once or twice a week… I tried to stick with weight watchers but counting points and being accountable was so hard with trying to feed an infant that wanted to nurse constantly and trying to entertain a 3 year old that was literally bouncing off the walls from being stuck inside with a mother tethered to her newborn brother.. after all it will just fall off right?? Isn’t that what everyone says? Even though the weight from my first didn’t just fall off it would be easier this time… somehow I had to believe that in my mind to keep myself from going crazy. I stayed happily in denial with Cleopatra until it was time to go back to work… I barley had a weeks’ worth of business casual clothes that fit me.. no worries I love to shop I’ll zip right over to my favorite store Ross and pick up a couple things for cheap… what was supposed to be a fun shopping trip for a few new items quickly turned into a terrifying experience….