It's not how far you have left, but how far you have come.....

For many of us on our weight loss journey it can seem never ending. You work and work at a goal and it seems no matter how hard you work, you STILL have weight to lose… but the ticket isn’t looking at how far you have left, it’s looking at how far you have come.

A year ago I finished my first triathlon…and I was only 8 months post partum (as in my baby was only 8 months old) many people thought I was crazy for even attempting it, as I was only about 4-5 months post partum when I started training. Truth be told I thought I was a little crazy too, but as you can read hereI was at my wits end… signing up for a race seemed like the best way to keep me accountable… and you know what it did.

It was hard I won’t even lie, but I made up a training plan (ok I downloaded a sprint triathlon beginner training program for free online from Hal Higdon highly recommend him). So I had a plan. It started off easy, run 20 minutes one day, bike 30 minutes another day etc, but then as the plan wore on it got harder and incorporated bricks… as in more then one workout back to back, as in 15 minutes of swimming followed by 30 minutes of running or 45 minutes of biking followed by 20 minutes of running. The theory was your body gets used to the transition between each event and really just doing each event in concession period! I can’t really say I felt like giving up at all during the training, however I can say I felt like strangling my husband….

I could go on FOREVER about all the challenges I faced while training but I know they are the same as every other woman around. i.e. husband puts his exercise before yours, husband travels is never home (single mom), kids are sick need tlc, just plain sick and tired and want to sleep, no energy after 8 hours at a mind numbing job, just to come home to a messy house and a family to feed, a infant who refused to sleep through the night no matter how many tricks or old wives tales you tried, ok get the point? Like I said it wasn’t easy…

The thing I had going for me was I was determined…. Sometimes I didn’t get out to ride my bike until 9pm, but I did anyways.. And I used the anger and frustration over whatever it was that prevented me from getting out there 2 hours earlier as originally planned. All the weight I carried on my shoulders lifted in the water and dissipated with each stroke, and each time my foot landed another piece of frustration caused by idiotic government semantics was pounded into the pavement. I also had to get a little creative to avoid any logistical nightmares, for example, if my brick consisted of a bike ride and run it was too easy, I ride my bike in my neighborhood, drop it in my driveway then continue running.. if my brick consisted of swimming and running, I would bring my gear to work then slip off to the gym right next to my building and get my laps in then throw some clothes on and go to the track right outside the door to the gym and get some more laps in… I even biked to the gym swam laps then biked home.. whatever it took I got (most) of my workouts in as planned. To deal with the mommy guilt I put Vicki in the bike trailer, tugged her to the park and let her play, if Angelo took a random nap early in the evening I would ask my brother in law to watch him for a bit while I got in my workout. The funny thing was I didn’t feel as much guilt the more I got into my workouts.. mainly because I felt so much better in general. I had energy again, I wasn’t moving in slow motion just trying to get by each day until I could crawl into my bed.. I was… living. The time I spent with my kids had more quality to it, even if some of my workouts took time away. I was happier.. they must have been happier (you know what they say if MOM isn’t happy… well nobody is!) and really I no longer felt like a prisoner in my life, really that is worth priceless.

What also really helped is all the motivation and support I received from everyone.. because let’s face it, it’s the digital age, I kept track of all my workouts via facebook. Each “like” on a status update, and every “whooo hoo” or “wow that is awesome” gave me the motivation each time I had to lace up my sneakers or snap on my running cap. Of course there was other motivation, i.e. When I put these pants on in a rush to work (these are my magic pants.. no matter what clean laundry heap they are in they NEVER wrinkle!) and I get irritated because something just doesn’t feel right… I look down and duh its because they are too big and the crotch was twisted to the side… my frustration at life in general became elation… and I’m pretty sure I gave even more to my workout that day, and of course these pants are so big on me now, I almost can't wear them anymore... which is bittersweet,,, like I said these are my magic pants ;)

I did miss some workouts, either because I was just too to the bone tired, or one of the kids was sick, or you know… whatever… but bottom line I was proud of how well I had stuck to my plan and I actually felt (sort of) prepared for my race.

Race day came and went (I should do a race report on that huh??) and I felt like a million bucks… I was like yeah b!t*h I owned you!! Even though I think really it owned me… and after that (and a few pieces of chocolate cake for recovery) I was hooked on racing, and it kept me on track. I followed the sprint tri with a 10k, several 5k’s, an 8 miler and then two half marathons. 2010 was really MY year, a year to bust outside the box, break free of whatever oppressive chains society (and my family) tried to put on me...

Of course a full year (and some change) later I am still not where I want to be… I have 20-25lbs left to lose, I seem to struggle more now with fitting in workouts then I did then it’s almost like once 2011 rolled in I had high hopes but the momentum that propelled me through the previous year had lost steam… I was real frustrated with where I was until I realized DUH MAYBE my training had slowed down a bit, MAYBE I didn't log as many miles each week as I used to, and MAYBE I wasn’t following my current training as well as I was before but I still WAS I run 3 miles in an evening pushing the jogger like its nothing (ha well not nothing) and a year ago I could barley do that… I can do “real” pushups again… I can do pull ups (assisted) with less assistance then I used to need, I can lift heavier and hey… I am down almost 60 POUNDS!!! That is my 4 year old daughter… who I struggle to pick up now because she is so big.. I used to have that HANGING off my body from the time I rolled out of bed until the time I rolled back in… Everywhere I went (and every time I exercised) I had that on me…

I realized that the 20-25lbs I still have left to lose really isn’t THAT much in the grand scheme of things and the 10k that I feel undertrained for(that started this sudden pit of despair)…. I will be ready for you!

The moral of the story is, don’t make mountains out of mole hills, and before you let yourself get too frustrated over how far you have to go, look behind you and see how far you have come.  You might realize you don't really have that much further to go.  Use the comfort in that to help give you strength for the finish. <3

The "oh sh!t" factor

Now back tracking a bit to way before my half marathon.. the story of how I ended up registering for my first triathlon in an attempt to eliminate the excuses... and finally get back on the road to fitness

As hard as it was I did ok sticking to my plan, a couple times a week I loaded the kids up in the jogger and went for a walk/run and I tried to get to a class at least once every two weeks.. but I was tired.. and guilty.. and I just had a hard time keeping my motivation levels where they needed to be. Sometimes I thought to myself who cares that I’m fat?? I am married and have two kids do I really need to care what I look like? So what if I have a closet FILLED with beautiful (expensive) clothes from express that I haven’t been able to wear in 3 years? So what if I won’t be able to shop at express (my all time favorite store) EVER AGAIN. It just didn’t seem like it was worth all the effort. It was something I struggled with for a bit.. the reality was I was ALWAYS an in shape person, I always ran.. even in middle school.. I was on the cross country team and still woke up early most days to run, high school I ran with the dog, and got into rugby, shoot I was in the freaking army for pete sake.. more then that I was a SAW gunner in Iraq, I carried over 100lbs of combat gear on my persons on convoys on a fairly consistent basis.. I even went to the gym and lifted weights.. and I didn’t lift weights like no girl are you kidding me?! I had 3 friends that took me to the gym with them, taught me how to lift, proper form, weights, rep etc. I wasn’t one of those pansies on those pully machines (not that we really had them over there) I was lifting for real.. I was doing bicep curls with 25lbs dumbbells.. with difficulty at first but then I started banging them out like it was nothing I came back home so ripped even my dad was like damn, I think you might be able to kick MY ass…I drove his point home by wrapping my arms around him and lifting his entire 240lb body off the ground a good 6 inches without much strain. Now here I was flabby arms flabby stomach chubby legs.. shoot I missed that wow factor.. I missed people looking at me and saying DAMN I do NOT want to mess with that… its just how I am.. I need that oh sh!t factor in my life.. what can I say I really should have been born a man!
Anyways… after realizing I needed that oh sh!t factor in my life I started thinking about how I could get that back.. and after catching an episode of scrubs where JD enters a triathlon in honor of his impending birthday bingo the light came on.. JLo aka Jennifer Lopez did a triathlon after she had her twins to help her get back in shape.. and completing a triathlon is most definitely in the oh sh!t category…because when it comes down to it how many people really do them? It would be easy(ish), I was a good swimmer in fact swimming is one of my all time favorites activities. I had been working on running again the only issue in my mind was the bike.. I used to bike a lot growing up but had I ever really biked 12 miles?
I started bouncing the idea around in my head for the next couple weeks…my husband and my bff both told me I was a little off my rocker and the reality was at this moment in time there was NO way I could run for 3 miles strait let alone run 3 miles after swimming for 750 meters and biking 12 miles..but I could if I worked at it.. and while I worked at it I would lose weight.. right?? Isn’t’ that how it works? You bust your butt and you lose weight? I started talking to my brother in law about it, I told him I was thinking of doing it and there were 2 coming up, one in July and one in October. I was thinking of doing the one in October because then I would have a lot of time to train and not look like a total idiot… He was like well why don’t you just do both, then you can do better the second time, then he asked me what exactly was involved. He was the epitome of fitness, he spend a lot of time in the garage lifting weights, jump roping and busting out on the elliptical… it was insane how much this kid worked out.. but hey when I was his age that’s where I was too
So he squinted his eyes as he was thinking and said” yeah that sounds alright I might do that with you” hmm well if he was going to do it I couldn’t really have him do it alone, and I had less of a reason to NOT do it. The next day at work I messaged him I asked him are you sure you want to do this? Really in July?? He was like yeah let’s do it up why not are you down? I was trying to find a million reasons why I shouldn’t do it.. come on me do a triathlon?? With a little less than 3 months to do it? I realized all I had was excuses..I finally just said f*&k it… why not…and just like that I was committed to doing a sprint triathlon…

fat girl intro....

I woke up one day and realized everyone around me was blogging… wtf is a “blogger”?? I’m from Vermont… we don’t “blog”.. we bog!! Apparently the two things aren’t related…
anyhow I am in the middle of a new adventure, one toward being “fit” once again. I figured why not document it? Maybe someone can learn from it.. maybe they can get some laughs out of my adventures.. who know… besides I see blogs on EVERYTHING, nobody wants to go to the library and read books anymore.. they want to go on a computer and read “blogs”…
I am 27 years old… but don’t tell anybody that in reality I have been 30 for the past 3 years.. I have two wonderful children who have caused quite a ruckus to my figure, well a combination of them, getting “older” and getting lazier.. example..High school weight 120-130 US Army Weight 150-155 Civilian weight 160-165 max pregnancy weight with baby 1~ 225 post baby #1 weight 180 max pregnancy weight with baby number 2 ~245 (woah) post baby weight 227 (ouch)
Hmmm could I live with topping the charts at over 200lbs?? yes I could.. after all I couldn’t’ have a regular exercise routine and juggle school, kids, my husband and my job??!! Could I?? I managed as best I could on maternity leave, I tried to take advantage of the time I was spending with my children while making it to zumba class once or twice a week and group power (weight training) class once or twice a week… I tried to stick with weight watchers but counting points and being accountable was so hard with trying to feed an infant that wanted to nurse constantly and trying to entertain a 3 year old that was literally bouncing off the walls from being stuck inside with a mother tethered to her newborn brother.. after all it will just fall off right?? Isn’t that what everyone says? Even though the weight from my first didn’t just fall off it would be easier this time… somehow I had to believe that in my mind to keep myself from going crazy. I stayed happily in denial with Cleopatra until it was time to go back to work… I barley had a weeks’ worth of business casual clothes that fit me.. no worries I love to shop I’ll zip right over to my favorite store Ross and pick up a couple things for cheap… what was supposed to be a fun shopping trip for a few new items quickly turned into a terrifying experience….